April 14, 2002

Search for Significance: It's All Vanity

Oh how I identify with the Ecclesiates thoughts of "vanity."

I am reading The Applause of Heaven, and thinking a lot about what ways our culture encourages narcissism. Even our Christian culture is consumed with grandiosity. Though we say it is in the name of God's glory...we get a little ego gratification on the side too.

I don't want the world to shape me into it's mold...We hear so much about lives of significance, and making a difference, and maximizing our potential. It becomes so natural, and ingrained in our psyche that when something sets us back, or we are not what we think we should be, or are not living up to our expectations, or dreams...we so often feel like failures.

In these past 5 years, since moving to Asia, I've escaped the trap of being caught up in "having found my niche" and "making my mark on the world" in ministry. I have now gotten used to living life for an audience of ONE ('cause there hasn't been anyone else!) I'm no longer competing, or striving. I've only recently started to actually do a few little things in Singapore, and I get a little scared I will get sucked into the name dropping, or self-promotion. Honestly, it's so much EASIER to be a GODLY monk --I mean "mom" out in the suburbs of Tampines!

You wrote: I pray that Jesus is very near to you and that you are growing in your faith daily.

I pray the same for you too as you sort out His path for what he wants you to do.

With great joy from him even in the pain...
K!Mberly